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it's been a while..

wow....people still use this? well im staying in on a friday night. i've been thinking alot lately about this..

i'm scared. it doesn't really seem life is supposed to happen...you know getting a job, family, growing old, grandchildren. that's gonna be me? i need to make the most of these years before they're lost.  dammit...being young is the best feeling ever. it's this feeling that your in charge of what ever you want to do. its not like being a kid, where everything is taught. i picture it first starting out as a straight line...elementary school, middle school, high school, college..you know what comes next each time. then once you reach the end of college the line branches off into so many different lines to choose from. theres no more direction. i feel like in college...everyone feels so alive and excited. excited for life. being young...everyone has this 'im gonna take on the world' mentality. basically, right now i have every oppurtunity to do what ever the fuck i want before i grow old. theres no point in settling for what is alright when you only have one chance to get what you really want. it's already starting to get hard for me..being around so many freshman. fuck...they have so much time to enjoy and take advantage of everything college has to offer. i hope they all realize that. i want to stay another year..but for what reason...to hold on to some old memories. because im afraid to move on and refuse to believe that theres something else out there. its like breaking up with an old boyfriend. i refuse to believe that college is the best years of my life. sure..up til this point...its been pretty damn fun. but there are no rules in life that i have to follow...there's the norm..but i dont wanna follow the norm. i've wasted alot of time being scared and unsure the first years of college. and now im wishing to go back and change that. now im at that point again...being scared and unsure of what to do. actually...i know what i want to do...im just scared, making up excuses. i gotta change that...now.

Mother Wanted

I was looking for another job for over the summer on zotlink...this one pays $20/hr for only 12hrs a week!

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Im a tease..

So I'm in my international marketing class...and I notice that Snoop Dogg is sitting right in front of me. He was taking notes on a mac...and talking on aim at the same time.  It's weird but i think nothing of it...so im at home chatting on aim and decide to im him.  he types 'ahhhh heee...' i just think its his new slang or whatever. then he starts asking me about class and i leave my computer for a couple minutes. i come back and i get crazy im's from snoop because i didnt respond right away and all i remember was his last line 'you're such a tease' --sign off.